


All these oceans and then some more (or Darling never let me go)

by no_tengo_porque



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Human Makoto, Kinda, M/M, Making Out, Merman Matsuoka Rin, Merman Nanase Haruka, POV Second Person, Sad, Sexy Times, Strangers to Lovers, mermaid!haru, mostly - Freeform, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 16:37:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3576399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_tengo_porque/pseuds/no_tengo_porque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'When Makoto comes bearing a book in his gloved hands, you really don't know what to expect.<br/>"The Little Mermaid," he says, "but the sad version."<br/>You haven't even heard about the happy version, so you have no clue what he's talking about.<br/>He sits down and shows you the picture of a half-kin, much like you, painted delicately in watery, pastel colors. She has a rich, auburn hair and a light-blue tail and, were you human, you would love to be able to draw something like that.<br/>"Can I tell you a story, Haru-chan?"'</p><p>Mermaid AU in which Haru, a dolphin half-kin, becomes curious about the little kid with green eyes who is afraid of the ocean.<br/>AKA: the pretentiously long-titled fic about sad gay mermen and their land-dwelling boyfriends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All these oceans and then some more (or Darling never let me go)

**Author's Note:**

> For Asuka

When you first see him he's only a child. A small thing with dirty nails and scrapped knees and although your people does not have a word for "young" or "age" (since the lifespan of your people is infinite and static) you can still recognize that this human boy is still fresh to the world.

It must be his first time at the beach, because he runs away from the sea, unlike other humans who run straight towards it. He's afraid of it, of the water and the waves, still cautious of this huge, blue span of wetness, roaring like some sort of live animal.

His father (the man who you think must be his father) holds his hand and tries to get him to touch the water but he writhes and weeps and the man just laughs as they walk away from the waves.

You stare at this scene, oblivious of all the other seaside commuters, watching from a rocky formation that keeps you hidden.

"Seems like Makoto is not a fan of water," a woman (the mother?) says.

You repeat that name to yourself.

"Makoto."

It sounds strange when you say it, "ohs" much to enunciated, a name clearly meant for humans to say, not for you. But you like it, so when he leaves with his parents in tow, you say the name once more.

"Makoto."

Perhaps with practice you'll get it right.

********************

Makoto comes to the beach all throughout the summer. He doesn't get inside the water though, and something inside of you wants to approach him, take his hand and teach him that the water is nice, the water is life and clear and beautiful but you don't think he'll understand, not at this age.

So you just watch from the rocks as summer turns to autumn and Makoto stops coming at all.

************************

You actually forget about him for a while. Rin continues to race you and to dare you to go as deep as you can stand it, to stay in the shore for as long as you dare, to get dangerously close to humans. You know that sharks tend to be much aggressive and dauntless, but Rin goes well beyond the verge of reckless and to be honest, you enjoy his recklessness.

Rin somehow convinces you to swim far-away from your home (or rather, your usual spot, because your kind is nomad, constantly swimming and completely homeless in that sense.)

So you swim far away from this little island that humans have named Japan, visit other shores and swim through the freezing waters of the North. You swim with whales, huge and melodic, yet calm and gentle.

You meet barracudas and fish clown, those that are half-kins like you and those that are full-kin both, and all sorts of creatures that the waters near Japan do not offer you.

Rin somehow convinces you to go meet his relatives near Australia, sharks all of them, yet more aggressive and powerful than Rin. You feel uncomfortable there, and you think Rin isn't completely at ease there either, yet he chooses to stay when you decide to go back to Japan.

"Don't worry Nanase, I'll see you there in a while."

And anyway, what does a while mean to a half-kin, whose life is made out of infinite numbers of "in a while"?

******************

When you see him again, he's much different.

Makoto is no longer a child. Well, he is. But he's twice the size, gangly and lithe, legs stretched and thin and arms too long, everything much of a clumsy mess.

He is still a child, but he is older, and it takes you a while to recognize him.

But those green eyes, they are unmistakably his, shining and kind, full of warm feelings.

He seems to be helping an old man, to carry some boxes outside of a small fishing boat.

The smell of mackerel floods your lungs and you want to swim quickly towards him.

For the fish. Of course.

Makoto seems to be in good terms with this fisherman, the man pats him on the shoulder and ruffles his hair while Makoto beams at him.

You realize you've missed Japan.

*********************

You continue to watch over Makoto as the days go past. He seems to be helping the fisherman throughout the summer, and the fisherman rewards him with fresh fish everyday. It seems like a good transaction to you.

You admit that you get dangerously close to him sometimes. Makoto seems to have gotten over his fear of the sea, for he enters it now. He swims, though mostly he swims much like an otter, looking upwards, floating lazily and then kicking wildly, going at an amazing speed for a human. You see him swim, from the bottom of the sea, watch his strokes and his fingers as they part the water and he propels himself forwards. You see how his muscles, especially the ones of his abdomen and back, are starting to develop.

Then you wonder why you're noticing that.

You never do ask yourself just why you are so obsessed with a human.

**********************

The first time he sees you it’s a mistake. You wanted to be invisible to him, always there but ethereal, surreal, a water spirit that he knows nothing about.

No, that's a lie. Of course you wanted him to see you. You know that half-kins should remain hidden from human eyes, that they are not used to seeing your kind and that nothing good could ever come from them seeing you. And yet, the idea of him seeing you becomes exceedingly tempting.

Remain hidden. It’s one rule that you could easily follow, hadn't you become infatuated (infatuated?) with a human boy.

So one time you follow him after he gets his mackerel and his praises from the fisherman. Follow him as he walks, not towards his house, but towards the rocky formation where you like to lounge, the one where you were hiding the first time you saw him.

You don't believe in fate or destiny, but you have been proven wrong before. And just what drives you to swim towards him, you don't know.

It's the fish, clearly. The fish, of course. The smell of mackerel is intoxicating.

So you approach him, keeping your tail hidden, wary yet much too bold to be you (perhaps Rin is truly a bad influence).

He sees you, only what you want him to see. He sees your head and your chest and no more.

"Hey," he says, and you think that he is blushing.

You can't really speak his language. You understand it, you can imitate it. Speak it, not really.

So you say something you know you can pronounce properly.

"Makoto."

He freezes on the spot and you realize that saying his name without knowing him personally might be slightly creepy.

"Do I know you?"

He stammers, and his voice cracks in the middle of the question.

A child, that's all he is.

"I don't think I know you."

He's getting nervous and the last thing you want him to do is leave so you say the only other thing you are confident you can pronounce.

"Mackerel."

He looks at you strangely, but then he grins.

"Oh, you want one? They are all raw though. Just fished."

You shrug, and he hands you a fish. You understand how weird it is, some man coming out of the sea to ask for a raw fish, and yet Makoto is much too nice, apparently, to simply tell you to go away or mistrust you.

You take the fish he hands you.

He stares at you, with those green eyes, the color of... Of what? You don't think you've ever seen that shade of green anywhere else.

But he is staring, and you don't know what he's expecting, so you do what you would normally do.

Given the look of surprise Makoto gives you, perhaps eating the whole thing raw in one go may not be exactly "normal" for humans.

"Oh. Ehm. Is it good?"

You shake your tail to show that you are pleased, and Makoto's eyes widen even farther.

Your tail is showing, grey and glimmering and slick. Peeking from beneath the depths of the sea. Makoto is staring right at it.

You think about sinking. Of hiding beneath the waves and swimming away, diving and never coming back, make him wonder if you were there at all or just a fish-stealing chimera.

"Oh," he says, and there is something in the way he says it that pulls at your heartstrings.

"You are a... Mermaid?"

Mermaid is not a word you know. You know "mer" means sea in some other human language.

"Merr-maid?"

Makoto still stares at your swishing tail a bit uncomfortably but he hasn't run away and that's good enough for you.

"Mermaid. Merman, in your case, I guess. A man with the tail of a fish," he answers.

"Dolphin. Tail of dolphin," you correct him.

He nods, eyes never wavering from your tail. It's excruciating, not being sure how he will react.

"What's your name? You know mine, but I don't know yours," he says.

You think, for a second, if you're not doing something stupid. If this isn't all a mistake.

"Nanase Haruka."

"I'm Tachibana Makoto. You've got a girl's name like me."

He smiles at you and really, how can he be so nice, so serene and remain so calm? You've been taught, ever since you were born (although you can't remember just how you were born or how long ago that was) that humans fear that which they don't know and that the half-kin is a great unknown to humans, who search in the skies for some sort of "intelligent beings" when what they are searching for is inside the planet they inhabit, hidden in its wet depths.

"Makoto, what age?" You ask him.

"How old I am?"

You nod.

"13. You?"

You shake your head.

"Merr-maid don't age. Merr-maid born and die same age."

"Oh," Makoto says, "well, you look around 18. So I guess that you are that age."

You shrug. Makoto laughs and hands you another mackerel.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" He asks as you devour the fish. You nod, trying not to be too eager.

"Alright then," he says, "I'll bring you some more then. My mum and I can't eat all the fish the fisherman gives us anyway."

Makoto stands up and you know he must leave, so you let him.

"Tomorrow," you repeat and he nods. You wave each other goodbye and you can't help but smile as he leaves.

You've done something incredibly dangerous and you couldn't be happier about it.

*****************

And those are some of the best days of your impossibly long life.

Makoto and you meet in the same spot almost every day. It's nice, to have a friend that isn't constantly judging you, sizing you up, daring you to do better every day.

It's nice to have someone who likes you just for being you and not because of what you can do.

Makoto is warm, kind and cheerful. Each day he comes and smiles, he talks to you even if you can barely answer back, he is patient and he teaches you all sorts of words you knew nothing about.

It's nice, being with him. Sometimes you ask him questions, when your vocabulary allows you to.

"You like swimming?"

He nods, but there is uncertainty there.

"I... My dad taught me, some years ago. But I don't know, it still scares me."

And you realize then, when you swim with him, how his back is always much too straight and how his arms move a bit widely when he swims far-away from the shore.

You swim together, you and him, but he never swims underwater like you.

You want to ask him just why he is so scared, but it seems much too intruding somehow. So you just spend the afternoons lost in aimless chatter.

Summer passes far too fast for your taste.

***************

You remember being scared of autumn, fearing that he will leave you once the water turns cold and the leaves fall off the trees.

And yet, you have nothing to be afraid of, because he comes even then, dressed in a coat and a scarf and although he doesn't swim with you he still talks to you, accompanies you, smiles at you.

You can speak better now, so you tell him about Rin, the shark half-kin you've befriended and about all the wonderful plants and creatures that hide in the depths of the oceans.

But even then he is the one in charge of the conversation.

"You don't like speaking much, do you?" He asks one time.

You nod and he laughs and you can't help but smile.

Sometimes you ask him bolder things, like who his friends are ("ehm, just you, Haruka") or what's his favorite animal ("oh, the killer whale. Although dolphins are cute too") and the idea of asking him why he is so afraid of water crosses your mind but still you are unable to phrase it.

Time passes and you hardly realize it.

*********************

It takes you all of winter (cold, freezing winter, from which you should have migrated away from hadn't Makoto existed as constant in your life) for you to dare to ask him just why he's scared of water.

You regret the question as soon as his eyes grow misty and his mouth opens in shock for a second. You want to take it back, but before you can apologize he smiles and sniffs and he's warm, lovable Makoto all over again.

"My dad, he liked to swim a lot. He taught me how to swim when I was younger, taught me to respect the sea instead of fearing it. But I didn't love it as much as he did. He swam a lot... He even swam on the rainy days, even though my mum ask him not to." He stops, breathes in deeply before continuing. "Well, one day there was this storm predicted for the afternoon but he went swimming anyways and..."

Makoto get choked up, suddenly, interrupting his quick speech.

But you don't need him to finish that sentence because you, as a half-kin, as a creature of the water, even you are afraid of the sea amidst a storm. And you more than any human, can understand the destructive power of the ocean.

"I'm sorry, Makoto," you say and you grab his hand in yours. He holds it, hard, but you don't mind.

"It's okay, it happened a long time ago. I, I don't really... It's just, I wish I could see the water like you do, like something pure and clean and beautiful, but I'm scared of it. I like swimming, because it reminds me of my father, but still, it's so scary Haru. Water means life but it can also mean death and that just... Terrifies me."

He's crying now, and you don't know how to make him stop, so you stretch your body off the water and push him against the rocks with your body. You were trying to hug him, something you've seen humans do to reassure each other, but you slip and it comes out wrong because you end up falling against him, covering his whole body with yours and this, this is terrifying to you, being so close to someone and ruining your friendship with Makoto because of some stupid mistake.

Yet Makoto laughs and hugs you back, fully knowing your true intentions without you having to put them into words.

His arms encircle your waist, and he must be cold and wet but he laughs and you smile as you hug each other.

"Oh, Haru, Haru, you're crushing me," he says, in between bouts of laughter.

You kiss his forehead and push away, move to the side to lie next to him rather than on top of him.

Makoto is no longer crying, but he's panting for air and his face is red.

"Haru-chan," he says and laughs.

"Don't call me that," you answer in your accented Japanese, and that earns you another laughter from Makoto.

Even though it's one of the coldest nights of winter, you feel warmer than ever.

************************

When Makoto comes bearing a book in his gloved hands, you really don't know what to expect.

"The Little Mermaid," he says, "but the sad version."

You haven't even heard about the happy version, so you have no clue what he's talking about.

He sits down and shows you the picture of a half-kin, much like you, painted delicately in watery, pastel colors. She has a rich, auburn hair and a light-blue tail and were you human you would love to be able to draw something like that.

"Can I tell you a story, Haru-chan?"

You nod and ignore the nickname, much too enthralled by the little book.

So you get to hear about a mermaid, a half-kin, who falls in love with a man (and Makoto seems to blush when he tells you this part, so you blush too).

He tells you how this mermaid gives up everything she cherishes in order to be able to walk in a pair of legs, even accepting a bet in which she will die if she can't get the prince she has fallen for to love her back. But then the prince decides to marry someone else...

"She gets a chance, though, to save herself," Makoto says, voice hushed.

And he tells you about how a sea witch told her that if she killed the prince before midnight with a knife then she would be able to return to the sea.

"How awful," you say, "that she had to kill the prince."

Makoto's eyes widen and he shakes his head vigorously.

"But she didn't! She doesn't kill him!"

"Oh," you say, and can't think of much else to say when Makoto tells you how she just can't kill him, even if he doesn't love her how she does, and she throws herself to the sea, becoming nothing but foam.

"That is a very sad story," you tell him, and it must be that the sand from the beach is getting in your eyes because they sting and you feel like tearing up.

"Yes, I know, but it's so romantic. Giving everything for that person you love. I don't know, I just love that kind of sacrifice in stories."

"But he did not love her, it was all useless in the ending," you complain but Makoto just shakes his head.

"It's not. It's better to love and lose than to never love at all."

"I still believe that she deserved better."

Makoto looks kindly at you, his features softening when he realizes how upset the story has left you.

"Oh, Haru-chan, maybe I shouldn't have told you this story."

He pats your shoulder, then timidly caresses your hair and you lean in almost involuntarily.

"You know," he continues, "in some endings, the mermaid gets turn into an angel, a maid of heaven, because of her sacrifice. Do you like that story better?"

"Maybe," you answer, "but it would be better if she had had another chance."

"Another chance for what?"

"To find someone who could love her."

Makoto stops caressing your hair and when you look at him you realize he's blushing again. He blushes a lot, even if his skin is darker than yours and it's harder to tell.

"Maybe she did get another chance, Haru. Maybe she was human in her next life, and she met a handsomer, smarter, nicer prince who loved her, and she lived happily ever after."

"That is just silly, Makoto."

Makoto smiles and your heart does a strange somersault when he looks straight at you.

"I don't know, Haru-chan, I guess I like silly endings then."

You swish your tail and look away.

"I do too," you mumble almost imperceptibly, but you can tell that he has heard you by the way his smile widens.

***************************

Rin returns with the summer, and your life is turned around once again. He is meaner than before, wilder and his taunts become a bit too harsh but even then when he races you, you feel that pump of adrenaline that you had missed so dearly.

You do wonder just what happened to him in Australia, if his shark family has somehow changed him because you don't remember him so bitter and sad. You feel like perhaps the right thing for him right now is not swimming against him, but with him, so you suggest a trip to somewhere far-away, to swim in the Mediterranean Sea and the Amazonian river rather than spend every day in a frustrated deja-vu.

He accepts fairly quickly, which you decide is a definitive sign that you are making the right choice.

Of course, you say goodbye to Makoto before leaving. You meet in the same spot as usual. You tell him about your intended trip, and although he looks terribly sad, he understands.

"Can you introduce me to Rin, Haru-chan?"

You think about it, but shake your head.

"Rin is... Aggressive."

He nods and looks away.

"I'll miss you, Haru-chan."

You roll your eyes.

"Enough with the chan."

Makoto laughs, and he still sounds sad and that really hurts, for some reason.

Right before parting ways, Makoto leans in and presses a small kiss against your lips. You understand that this is a human tradition to show affection, so you accept it, although Makoto fumbles and his face is bright red and blotchy from blushing.

"When will I see you?" He asks.

"In a while," you say, and really, as a half-kin that's all you can say.

Makoto nods and you wave him goodbye.

Afterwards, you join Rin underwater and you both start swimming towards the West.

************************

The trip does do wonders on Rin's bitter predisposition, but every second that you spend away from Makoto makes your heart ache, somehow. You think about him constantly, and you talk to Rin about him.

"Fucking dolphins," he says, "always trying to befriend humans and other species. We sharks keep it within the sharks," he says after you tell him a Makoto anecdote.

"What do you mean by "it"?" You ask him, but he looks away nervously and shrugs.

You don't know how much time you spend just traveling all over the world with Rin. At one point you are sure Rin will never get over his sudden sadness and the anger that grows from it.

That is until you two meet a shiver of sharks near the Caspian Sea, not as aggressively vicious as the one that you've seen in Australia. Rin quickly befriends a shark named Sousuke, whom you still find rather mean and possessive, but at least he's nice to Rin and races him with an intensity and a desire to win that you don't really have yourself.

They seem to have inside jokes of their own and a sort of secret handshake that they don't share with you.

It doesn't take long for you to realize that Rin is not coming back to Japan with you.

"You should go back to him. He's probably expecting you to be back," he says calmly one day.

"Rin," you mutter, slightly surprised.

"Seriously, I'm fine like this. Sousuke and me... And you know, the other sharks. I like being with my kind."

You nod, silently.

"I'll see you again Rin," you say, because there is not much else to say, really.

"Of course you will, idiot."

He hugs you, quickly, and then swims off to find Sousuke and the others.

You start your journey back to Japan.

********************

He is not there. It's spring, and even though it's warm enough for some kids to be at the beach, Makoto is not there. He doesn't go to the rocks where you usually meet. He doesn't go help the fisherman like he used to. The fisherman isn't even there.

You spend every day by the shore, hidden but with a good view of your surroundings, and yet you never see him.

You can't really tell how long you wait for him before he finally appears.

And then you realize what a terrible mistake you've made.

**************************

You approach him while he's swimming, waiting for the right moment to appear besides him. His muscles ripple with every stroke and you watch his body, so changed.

He has grown, a great deal. You can tell that he is very tall for a human, but now his body is properly proportioned. No longer the gangly teen he used to be, arms and legs too thin and long.

You like seeing him as a grown-up, but a sense of dread fills you when you realize that what you thought could be no more than some months has actually been years.

"Makoto," you call to him, when you're sure that he is far enough for no one else to hear you.

He turns immediately to his side, splashing everywhere.

"Haru?"

You nod. You see his face. So not him yet so recognizable, manlier and less round than what you're used to, and still strangely alluring.

"Haru... It's been 5 years. I never thought that you... I thought that you had forgotten me."

Your eyes widen and you shake your head. No, no, how could you forget him?

"Meet me at the rocks," you say, and swim away, trying to process the pain in your heart.

***********************

"You look just as always."

"You do not."

"I'm 18 now, Haru," he answers, and he sounds both proud and immensely sad. You try to smile, but you can't.

"I've missed you, Haruka," he says all of a sudden, and you're at a loss for words.

"Yes," you say, and Makoto smiles.

His smile is still warm, his eyes are still beautiful and you still love him, even if you don't really understand what that love means. At least that hasn't changed.

"And Rin? Did he stay behind again?"

You nod. You were never one for words, and especially not now, with your throat tight and knotted, painfully so.

"God, Haru, I've thought about you every day. I waited for you for so long. I..."

He shakes his head, utterly frustrated.

"Makoto..."

You don't want him to cry. You don't want him to cry, you don't want him to cry. You cover his eyes with your hands and feel his warm face but the tears still spill. You push yourself against him, hug him, kiss his forehead, all awkwardly and fumbling, and he's still crying, sobbing oh, God...

No, wait, he's actually laughing. Makoto is laughing and now you're really at a loss.

"Oh, Haru-chan, you really haven't change at all, have you?"

You kiss his forehead again and smile.

Neither has he.

*****************************

Kisses are common between you too. Not as common as holding hands or hugging or sharing popsicles, but it's one of the many things that you share and hold dearly.

(If sometimes those innocent pecks make you wonder just how it must feel to really kiss Makoto, kiss him like a mermaid would kiss his prince, well you're not about to tell him).

You spend a lot of time just lounging around, swimming, and catching up on all those lost years.

You appreciate every single moment, even more so ever since you've come to the realization that your time with him is simply slipping away from your fingers, like sand.

"Makoto, do you have a prince?" You ask him once.

He looks slightly baffled, so you try to explain yourself.

"Are you in love with your prince yet?"

He blushes (he still blushes like he did as a kid) and he shakes his head.

"God, no, Haru. I'm a boy."

You look at him, not understanding what he means by that.

"I don't... Boys have princesses, not princes, Haru."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? Because... You know. Like, I mean. Actually, ehm, I guess a prince can want another prince, in some cases."

"Do you have a princess then?"

"No. How about you?"

"I do not care for a princess," you say and shrug.

Makoto pauses, and shrugs with you.

"Yeah, me neither."

He says it calmly, and yet you can see how his spine tenses when he says it.

So you swish your tail and take the one lesson that Rin has taught you in this life: be fucking bold.

You kiss Makoto on the lips and smile as wide as you can (which admittedly isn't much and yet, it _means_ just so much).

"Good," you say, and swim away before he has time to react.

************************

You are not Rin, cocky and self-assured, so when you meet with Makoto once again you're not sure that everything will work out as you want it to.

You stare at each other, not sure what to do, but then Makoto grabs your hand and pulls you close, closes his eyes and kisses you on the mouth.

You close your eyes too, and kiss back, feeling his tongue sneak into you mouth and his arms pulling you closer and this is wrong, absolutely wrong and such a mistake and yet, so perfectly great.

You try to copy whatever he does, and things turn out messy, but he laughs and you smile and you know everything is alright, beyond alright.

You kiss each other for what seems like hours, nothing more, just mouths and lips and the occasional accidental clash of teeth. Afterwards you lie next to each other and hold hands.

You've lived a long life and yet all of it pales down to just being there next to Makoto, watching the stars come out and the tide rise until he has to go home.

"See you tomorrow, Haru-chan," he says, eyes far-away and smile blissful.

You wonder if you look half as dopey and adorable as he looks right now.

You stretch your limbs and go back to the sea, with your spirits high and you heart warm.

***************************

You meet every single day, once Makoto is done with his job as a lifeguard in a public pool. He tells you how he wishes he could have a full-time job to help his mother.

"But she wants me to go to school, so I can't do much about it."

Makoto likes bringing you things from the human world. Some you know from observing humans for so long, like books and the camera, that thing that can take pictures of people and the world. Makoto takes pictures of you, of both of you together. He says that the point of pictures is to remember the moments you've spend with others, although you know you don't need a camera to remember him.

He brings you a pair of sunglasses for you to try on and strange apparatus he calls a "cassette player" which plays music.

"This is The Beatles. They are pretty much essential. And this is The Beach Boys, which I thought you would like."

You listen to them with him, just lounging in the rocks and kissing occasionally.

You like touching Makoto's hair, letting your fingers thread through it and kissing his mouth, his cheeks, just being close to him gives you a jolt of joy.

You understand that when it comes to humans there is more to it. Unlike the half-kin, humans reproduce and have sexual intercourse. Half-kins have life partners, and yes, there is a twist of romance there, but barely.

What you have with Makoto is something unheard of for your people, something dangerous and it's bound to end in pain, because you are smart enough to know that there are some things that only a fellow human could give to him.

So whenever you are kissing and things get out of hand, when his mouth starts biting your neck softly and your hand starts caressing his taut stomach, you make a point of clearing your mind and pushing away. Because you can't give him that which he truly craves for.

Of course, he realizes this too. The way you separate from him whenever your breaths grow labored, it’s quiet a tell-tale sign.

"Haru," he says, "you don't have to pull away whenever I... You know, when I get, ehm, hard."

It's dark, the only light coming from the stars and a half-crescent moon and yet you just know that he's fully blushing.

"I do not wish to disappoint you."

His face crumbles and he looks so sad for a minute and you hate seeing him sad.

"Haruka, you could never disappoint me. I mean, I can easily take care of that by myself, you know?"

Makoto laughs, but it sounds strain. You perk up.

"How would you take care of that by yourself?"

"Ehm, oh, Haru, I... It's, well. Do I really need to talk about that? It's kind of... Embarrassing."

"Makoto, please, I want to understand."

Makoto looks away then, and you realize just how shy he really is.

"I use... God, I use my hand."

"And that satisfies you?"

"Haru! Yes, it... It satisfies me, can we please stop talking about this?"

"Do you think my hand could satisfy you?"

Makoto pauses. He won't look at you; his face is well hidden behind his hands. You don't want to embarrass him, but you really need to know.

"You don't have to do that..."

You cock your head to the side, trying to look at his face from behind his hands.

"I want to do it."

The silence stretches on, and you are afraid that you've scared Makoto, that maybe you've crossed a boundary.

But then Makoto looks at you, right at you and nods.

"Okay," he whispers, "but only if you really want to."

You nod and kiss him, maybe a bit desperately, because you feel the taste of blood and you realize that it's coming from Makoto's bottom lip.

"Sorry," you whisper, but he shakes his head, pulls you closer and kisses you back, puts his hands on your waist and even if your noses bump and things aren't exactly perfect (you just know that Makoto's back is probably killing him after being pressed against the jagged rocks for almost an hour now) it does feel perfect.

When you feel Makoto growing hard against you, you don't push back. You let your hand travel downwards, pull down his zipper and press against the hardness.

Makoto exhales, and let's his head fall back. So you continue touching him, first from outside of his boxers and then from inside, just skin against skin.

Makoto starts trembling after a while and he tries to grab your wrist, but you keep going until he bites your shoulder to muffle a moan and you feel him go beyond the edge.

"Haru," he whispers, and you take your hand from inside his pants, move to his side to lie besides him.

He's panting and you wish you could feel what he feels, wish he could do to you what you've just done for him, but you are not of his kind and there is no other way around it.

"I wish I was human," you whisper as quietly as you can.

But you know that he's heard you by the way he grabs your hand and doesn't let go.

************************

You are so stupid.

You spend every second you can with him, whether just to mess around or pleasuring him, every single second is precious to you.

You are so scared of time passing, of him growing old, of him marrying someone and leaving.

You can't stand it but you can't stop thinking about it either.

Makoto is not eternal, he's finite. You've tricked yourself into thinking that he is a constant, but two years pass and he's 20 already and soon he'll be gone.

How long do you have left? You know humans can live up to a hundred, but that is in very special cases. If you're lucky, you'll get 60 years more, but that's only if you are extremely lucky.

Maybe 20 years more?

_You're so stupid for thinking you would have that long..._

_***************_

Storms are unpredictable. Humans try to guess when one will come, and sometimes they can, but other times storms are just unpredictable.

The half-kins, like you, can easily predict when a storm is coming but this one comes as a surprise to everyone.

It comes especially as a surprise to the four little girls swimming near the rocks, when the waves suddenly become twice their size and the sea begins to churn and roar. The sky turns pitch black, everybody tries to escape the beach and run away from this powerful summer storm but the little girls are much too weak to be able to swim to the shore.

You see them, and although they are good swimmers for their age, even an experienced swimmer would have trouble trying to reach the coast.

Underwater is the safest place for when a storm comes, but you have to save them, somehow.

You manage to help two of the girls to the shore, and they run towards their scared parents.

There are two more to go, but it's hard to reach them with the storm roaring around you while trying to hide your tail, your identity.

The two girls that are left are slowly but surely moving towards the rocks, which now look wickedly sharp and hard to you.

You swim towards them, or you try to, but a wave crushes on top of you and you are rolled around and pushed against the rocks. You try to get back into the sea, but your tail is badly damaged, bleeding and bruised, and you can barely manage to move. You can't move.

And then he comes, Makoto reaches you, appearing from seemingly nowhere. You tell him to leave, it's too dangerous, but he moves you away from the rocks, makes sure you are safe.

You want him to stay with you, but you know Makoto well enough by now, so when he sees the two little girls drowning in the distance, you know that there's no way of keeping him here with you.

He kisses you quickly and pulls away, running towards the sea that he has always been so afraid of.

He manages to pull them towards the coast, and the little girls are able to swim the rest of the way.

For a second you think he has everything under control, just for a second.

But then a huge wave comes crushing over him and after several tense seconds you realize he still hasn't come back up.

You launch towards the sea, but your tail is no use, you can't swim, you can only sink.

And for some reason you just can't breath. You can't breath, and Makoto can't breathe and you are both drowning, but at least you won't have to stand spending another minute without him.

You see him then, both of you falling deeper and deeper and neither able to swim back up.

You'd been so worried with the idea of losing him in some years and look, you didn't even get some years. This is all you got and it wasn't much, it wasn't much at all.

He moves towards you and you towards him and why can't you breathe?

You're both dying and all you can think is _not enough._ And you find yourself asking for one more chance, just one more chance.

Everything turns to black.

*******************************

*******************************

*******************************

You are completely submerged by water, when his hand appears over you. You reach for it, and he pushes you forward. You take a deep, deep breath, and you wonder for just how long you've been underwater.

"Come on, Haru-chan, we are going to be late for school!"

"Cut the chan," you answer back.

Makoto just smiles and hands you your school uniform, then marches towards the door to give you some privacy.

"You know," you say, for some reason, "I had a really strange dream."

Makoto turns around and eyes you curiously and amused.

"Really, Haru-chan?"

You roll your eyes at the nickname.

"Yeah. I don't know, I don't remember it. I just woke up feeling sad."

_You woke up crying._

Makoto pouts and touches your shoulder softly.

"Oh, don't be sad Haru, it was just a dream after all."

You nod and hold his hand in yours for a while.

"Something wrong?" He asks.

You shake your head and smile at him.

"No, everything’s fine. More than fine."

Makoto blushes and nods, and for some reason a pang of nostalgia hits you.

"I'll wait for you," he says as he leaves the room.

"I know," you answer.

The smile he grants you warms your heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this is my first fic so please DO comment and leave lots of loving criticism and shit cos imma need it. Also, if you spot any spelling mistakes don't be afraid to tell me, English is not my first language and I always sucked when it came to verbs in foreign languages.  
> Thanks for reading, u da best :)


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